A Fearful End with A Fearless Effect

Spiritual enlightenment can be a BIG word to many. Big because of either not truly knowing what it means or big because the meaning given by a higher authority makes it either too lofty to reach or too complex to comprehend. More than that, along the years the meaning of the words took on numerous definitions and interpretations for personal agendas, making the word watered-down and, or many a time carry a subtle egoic motivation, which in contrary, is in total opposite to what it really is.

The historical journey of spirituality is always found in this irresolvable persistent conflict – sincere practitioners do not want themselves to be identified to any bodies whereas those seeking for identities attached themselves to bodies that advocate the realization and releasing of identity. It is a Catch22 situation – a paradox that creates a tug-of-war between the light and dark forces.

Wars, religions and politics are fought for this reason though on the surface it may not seem so. Any need for self-righteousness is already pointing towards a need for identification. And yet deep within each and everyone of us is this deep yearning for freedom – freedom from everything, which simply is the freedom of self-identification. Paradoxically, it is this very thing that propels one to further his or her own power for control of autonomy, resulting in oneself and also of another’s imprisonment. Indeed a queer dynamic.

We need not seek very far to see this conflicting dynamic occurring.  It is occurring in each moment of our lives covering the entire areas of money, relationship, career, health and sexuality. It is this very disease that is threatening our own spirituality, but because we are either oblivious to or ignoring this internal plea, we bring this disease to a bigger field, creating the scene of what the world is going through now. The world is merely a reflection of what is within every single individual unit on earth, particularly the human species, as we are the main driving force of what is being experience in the world – the advancement of technology and the downfall of environment . And it is without doubt, that whatever any situation out there in the world which we resist or abhor is the very internal conflict we have yet to resolve within us.

My observation is that the root cause of this spiritual conflict comes from the idea of being good or bad – the ongoing battle in our day to day choices and decisions – the guilt journey of righteousness between both. Being good in order to suppress the “bad” is a continuous battle of spiritual conflict within each and every one of us. We are not skillfully guided to address this internal issue but instead told to see it as right and wrong. Every one of us is going through this dark secret, and yet it is an open secret to all. Our whole life is governed by this ancient battle and when we come to a specific faith or religion, we make this internal battle into a serious war, between ourselves and God. There is no one at fault as we do not know any other way to resolve what is within us and for that we seek external help from authorities whom they themselves may be in the process of their own struggle, the struggle of finding their own spiritual footing.

I stood in the world and found them all drunk, and I did not find any of them thirsty. They came into the world empty, and they seek to leave the world empty. But meanwhile they are drunk. When they shake off their wine, they will open their eyes. – Yeshua.

To me, good and bad is not in the action that I took, take or going to take – for the action itself tells very little about my own internal motivation. Outlook appearance is as deceiving as a wolf in a sheep skin. What is seemingly good can be motivated by ill-intent and what is seemingly interpreted as bad or wrong can be approaching from the space of wisdom. What is truer is the self itself – the intention that makes the action a reality.

And back to this word “spiritual enlightenment” – it is the loftiest realization anyone can ever achieved, paled in comparison to any attainment in the world, when one is finally awakens to the fact that the problem is not about being good or bad but in the very source where the meaning arise – the self itself. As the saying goes – no self, no problem. And yet, to see the end of self, is a very frightening idea to many. It is a nobody’s journey, a path that is fearful to be trod – simply because we have made so much investment out of the self. And yet there are of other extremes where suicide is the only option to end their mental pain; not realizing that killing themselves only kills the body but not the mind where the root pain is – the self. Spiritual enlightenment is the tearing down of self, the realization beyond self.

The mother of all fear is the fear of no self. – Jed McKenna